


He Pretends

by leici



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2245314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leici/pseuds/leici
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan doesn't like the relationship between his two teammates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Pretends

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this video](http://canucks.nhl.tv/team/launch.htm?type=fvod&id=12717&catid=201) of the Canucks Dice and Ice Charity Event. There was a dance contest for the rookies with Kevin, Alex, and Ryan as judges. Additionally inspired by [these](http://pics.livejournal.com/leici/pic/00095633) [three](http://pics.livejournal.com/leici/pic/000964a1) [pictures](http://pics.livejournal.com/leici/pic/0009763b).
> 
> Written March 2008.

He pretends he doesn't notice the way they look at each other.  
  
It's so fucking obvious.  
  
He sees things all the time that he doesn't want to, Kevin's hand lingering on the small of Alex's back, or a smile that Alex can't contain. He can feel the electricity arcing between them, making the air in the room crackle. Heat peels off them in waves when they are anywhere near each other, and sometimes he swears he can smell how much they want each other.  
  
It's gotten into his brain. He imagines them kissing or touching or worse, and he doesn't know  _why_ , because he doesn't want to think about them together. He's seen them both naked and the images are  _vivid_  and they make him feel awkward and uncomfortable and he'd really rather believe that both of them were completely asexual. Especially with each other.  
  
He has no idea how the rest of the team is missing what's going on between them. He tried talking to Nazzy about it once, but he had attempted to be vague, and he wasn't sure if it ended up being the language barrier or his inability to be discrete without making the issue completely nebulous that caused his captain to just shake his head and smile and drop the conversation entirely. He wishes he had someone else - anyone else - to talk to about this. Because the way he's feeling, it's got to be normal. The things he's thinking have got to be caused by morbid curiosity, and not because there's some latent part of him that might be a...  
  
He won't even think it. But it's wrong. What they're doing with each other is wrong. They shouldn't be fucking with the team chemistry this way, shouldn't be fucking with nature. They really need to stop giving each other heated looks in the locker room, and spending so much time together when they aren't with the team. It needs to  _stop_.  
  
Which is why he suddenly becomes Alex's best friend. Because if he's glued to Alex's hip, Kevin can't be. And it's easy at first, because Kevin is injured, and it just feels like maybe he's giving Alex support, someone to fill that void. Hanging out with Alex is fun, and he can almost make himself believe that it was all in his head. He was overreacting, there's no way Alex is  _gay_. He gets along so well with Alex and feels so comfortable with him and he stops thinking about the reason he insinuated himself into the middle of Alex's life in the first place.  
  
But then Kevin's back on the ice, and back in the room all the time, and on road trips, and Alex is giving Kevin those  _looks_  again, the ones that he'd decided were just his imagination before.  
  
He wants to take Alex out back and shake him really hard, tell him what a complete fucking moron he is, and that if he doesn't knock it off, he's going to tell AV. He's going to spread rumors and he's going to ruin their lives.  
  
He bites his tongue so hard he draws blood. And he sits on the stage and he has to swallow it all down while he pretends that he's having a good time judging the rookie dance contest. The fans want smiles, and he's had a lot of practice making those look genuine.  
  
He pretends he doesn't notice the way they look at each other, when they're all giving Luc a ten for his dancing prowess, and Alex's knee is pressed up against the side of Kevin's thigh, his foot braced on Kevin's chair, both of them leaned in close to share that microphone between them.  
  
And when he catches them later - sequestered in a darkened corner, speaking lowly to each other off to the side of the party - he pretends he doesn't see. He tells himself the ache he feels is anger and disgust, and that homophobia just  _feels_  like jealousy. He goes outside for some air and he punches the side of the building, because the pain in his fist feels better than the sinking feeling of impossible yearning. Back inside, he orders a drink that could peel the paint off the wall, because the burning of it down his throat masks the bitterness that's rising.  
  
Across the room, he hears Kevin laugh, and he's not at all surprised to see Alex is the reason. He finishes off his beverage as he sees Kevin reach out to touch Alex on the arm, setting the glass down hard on a nearby table. He pastes the facsimile of a real smile on his face when some fans cross his path, agreeing to be in a photograph, trying hard not to grimace when he hears Kevin's laughter part the crowd again. He doesn't know why, but once he's alone again, he turns his gaze back to Alex and Kevin.  
  
He notices the way they look at each other, and he refuses to admit he wishes he was one of them.  
  
He notices the way they look at each other, and he pretends he doesn't care.


End file.
